People are talking about the jealousy they feel when they look at Facebook. Some are deactivating their Facebook accounts to save themselves the “drama.” The drama, of course, being the envy they feel, of not being able to afford to go to the beach, not having a relationship, not getting married, not having kids, whatever. Not having a beautiful job!
It is well known that only the high points of peoples’ lives are presented there. So why are we jealous when someone is smiling behind a Pina Colada?
I think it is because we are desensitized, due to the everyday assault of images coated in glamour. Reality TV has become a standard. We accept it as real. Reality TV came about when no one was around to write screenplays for television shows. There was a writers strike going on at the time. It was cheap, plotless broadcasting. And remains cheap, plotless broadcasting.
Given this, people actually think their ‘friends’ on Facebook are doing better than they are. And the number of ‘likes’ are there to prove it.
I guess it makes sense to brag about your child’s accomplishments rather than talk about how much yeast medicine you have to use due to a long term prescription of antibiotics. Or while you had the flu, the nearest place to vomit was a trash can right outside the movie theatre. Granite countertops do not barf, yell at their kids, have nosebleeds or smear jelly all over their jeans. We all want granite countertops, stainless steel appliances and sunken sinks with “OMG! I can’t believe it!”
Is a selfie of those people taken, straining out from a line at the pharmacy of, say, six people? Or, better yet, a selfie taken of the pharmacist and the sick person? How many ‘likes’ would a person get there?
Because real life is not Facebook. Real life is not Reality TV. And those people who seem to have everything, do not. They just don’t take photographs of themselves when they are wiping a stain off their shirt, eating chips and salsa. The people on Facebook pose for those Facebook pictures, iphone clicking away, with a face they think looks best on them.
A face that looks like they have everything too!
Copyright Hollis Hildebrand-Mills 2014 All Rights Reserved
Hollis Hildebrand-Mills 
Great post, Hollis! I agree with you 100%. I like to call it “Fakebook”…no ones life is perfect no matter how it might be presented. Unfortunately there are people who live with depression who aren’t able understand this.
Ugh, don’t even get me started on reality TV…garbage!
Happy Weekend!
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Jill, I realize that about people believing it. I put the spin to make it light. There is a part of me who believes the crap on FB! And a part of me who likes to watch “Property Brothers” on TV! (And envies the folks who buy a second home in Puerto Rico or wherever!) Strange creatures, we are. I think it will get worse with the global issues going on today! We want to believe in the glitz! BTW, are all your hummingbirds gone for the winter? Our goldfinches are! 😦
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Ha ha! Oh, I love to watch some show on HGTV that focuses on island homes…it’s nice to dream. 🙂
Yes, our hummies are gone…I miss them so much. We’ve spotted a few goldfinches. Thankfully, our cardinals always hang around.
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Oh Hollis, this is SO WIERD! I have been formulating a post about social media this week. As I haven’t had much time it’s not ready yet so maybe next week – but I echo so many of your thoughts. Not for the first time are we on the same page. Great post!
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Jenny, it gets even more weird! I was thinking of you when I wrote this. I thought, “Jenny would rant much more cleverly” Don’t say no: you do. Still laughing about the harassed shoppers. Looking forward to your slant on this stuff! Hope this weekend has been good for you! 🙂
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So far so good – apart from the harassed shopping …. 😄
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So true! One’s fun, exciting, action-packed Facebook life is seldom anything like the real one he lives. Social Media life is the Wizard; real life is the unassuming man behind the curtain.
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How can I respond to such cleverness? I wish I had said that!
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That is why I tell my friends who really care about my good news and bad news by phone or email. I think one misses out sharing feelings without a real connection. Hope your not posting this on Facebook!
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Facebook is not for intimacy at all! You and I are on the same page here! I hope you are having a nice weekend! And thank you for commenting, Marjie!
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spot on Hollis! (and so funny!) I only joined Facebook this year because of my job AND because my friends scattered around the world don’t like email or snail mail (but are surprisingly quick to post to FB). Personally I despise FB but it does work for professionals – like writers – it’s a great platform. That said I’ve stopped ‘liking’ every pic of pina coladas and beach sand. Now I mostly share and comment on social issues which makes me come across as a curmudgeon 🙂
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Yolanda, I doubt you would ever come across as a curmudgeon! 🙂 Too sweet! But that’s the thing, it’s a great tool for us in the art business! To keep up with what is going on. I am an active participant on FB. Not post-wise, but ‘like’ and comment-wise. My curmudgeon-ness shows when I get rolling. (As you can tell. Haha)
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Love it Hollis. I’ve been on FB for several years as a way to keep up with family members around the world (I have about 60 living first cousins on maternal side, 40 on paternal side) plus a few of my sibs. My blog posts to FB, and that is where my family comments, because only a few of them have caught on to the fact that they can comment on the blog itself. Well, I never said they are geniuses. Some are, most are not. But I don’t believe anything I read there–actually don’t read all that much. Just check out the latest family photos.
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Kentucky Angel, I think that is a very healthy way to use FB. To be in connection with folks! I use FB. The trouble starts when I (we) pay attention to the stuff I talked about in the blog. I wish I had that many relatives! You are very lucky!
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You know, Kentucky Angel, I was thinking about what you said. Like you, I used to put my WordPress blogs on FB, and I found that some people were much more comfortable commenting on FB. Rather than enter their email, etc and comment on WordPress. I stopped because WordPress allows people to comment more elaborately.
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Great post, Hollis. You know, for the past couple of months I’ve gotten anxiety when I’ve gone on FB. I haven’t been able to pin it down, but my instinct tells me that it’s because I feel an obligation to check out how EVERYONE is doing and to let them know I still care with likes and comments. It feels demanding?
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I think FB is an anxiety producing social media for a lot of people. I don’t feel a sense of responsibility to the people I am ‘friends’ with, to check on how they are doing and to push ‘like’ or comment. I do comment freely if I want to, though.
My anxiety comes from the fact that FB is fast moving, going for the glitz without enough space to be understood.
With WordPress, I get to express myself more. The whole picture is presented.
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Hollis, I’m glad that I share both platforms – social media and blogging – w/ you, as I find that social media often is the catalyst that brings me back over to the blog world to see what bloggers I enjoy reading are posting! It is amazing how people don’t post the awful things about everyday life onto FB as much as it actually happens, but sadly, I do think it’s because corporate America, in particular, is regulating what is acceptable or not to be even posted. I can’t tell you the number of personal friends who’ve admitted to me privately that they can’t post or comment on how they ‘really feel’ because, and I’m quoting, “They like their jobs too much.” Anyway, I’m enjoying catching up on your blog tonight and hope you’re having a good Columbus Day weekend. Cheers!
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I guess I am naive to assume that Facebook isn’t monitoring what is posted. Even WP tells us to scrutinize what is spam or not. There, I am grateful. Because we decide. In any event there is some selection going on by a human being behind the scenes.
Yes! I am so happy we met through WP and we also connect on FB! I get to see your artwork on FB. And notice of your shows (which I wish I could attend!) And your posts always remind me of home. (Philadelphia) Thank, Patricia for commenting. I know you are exhibiting so much more now (yay) and are very busy!
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I am on LinkedIn and I have my stories/posts on my professional site there. I am not on FB but like to look at photos on public domain parts of my friends’ from time to time. I loved this, it reminded me of when you get once a year Christmas form letters, all the successes and no failures or problems mentioned.
By the way, Hollis, I enjoy photos and shows that feature travel and once in awhile, like those HGTV shows, transforming homes.
I am so glad you pointed out, Hollis, how the reality shows came about. Too bad that they ‘took hold,’ so well. I am not a fan of most of them, except for musical contests. I love to see the ones who are trying, deservedly well, win!
I am one who is not envious, felt my childhood, teens and young married life was idyllic. I call that period my ‘solid core’ and it helps me when I realize I may never get back to that level of lifestyle. My kids, brothers, sister in law, friends, Mom and grandkids are a great source of joy. I enjoy seeing others happy, some who didn’t have the wonderful life I did.
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I know what you mean, Robin! More later! And PS I like some of those reality shows too, (If truth were told!) 🙂
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I love you, Mom! This was very well-written and one of my favorites! (The pie one is my absolute favorite!)
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Hi Honey!!! Thanks for stopping in!!!! Yes this one is a favorite of mine too. The pie blog was good because everyone wrote in for an analysis. It was fun! Thanks for the compliment, you writer, you!😜
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Good one, Hollis. I hate social media. Guess that’s why I rarely visit my Facebook page. But it is a great way to keep up with some dear friends of mine from other countries. 🙂
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It certainly is, Elizabeth! I use it to see what is going on in my business! So it has its benefits. I just don’t like the most idiotic standards…blah blah blah!!!!! 🙂
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Facebook creates a whole new concept of keeping up with the Jones. It’s impossible. At least with a neighbor you might see then doing something silly or stupid. But Facebook lets you weed out your bad moments and only post about the best moments of your life.
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You know, Kourtney, that is a very positive way to look at Facebook and all its anxieties! Kind of like, it-works- both–ways-type-of-thing!
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Great Post!
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Thank you so much for commenting. I am now following you!
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I like Jill Weatherholt’s take on Facebook: Fakebook 🙂 I got started with FB years ago when I learned that my nephews were using it to share photos of their kids. I’ve often thought about dumping my account but FB really has been the best way for me to keep up with my immediate family. A friend of mine once expressed envy at how many “friends” I had until I pointed out that 75% of those friends were really family (I have a lot of cousins). So I put up with FB for the pictures of the kids as they grow up and for the relatives/friends who prefer FB for communicating. And I try to keep my wits about me 😉
I do agree with your post, and I think you could apply it to any social media: Google+, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr … everyone wants to present their best image. And nobody wants to see your status updates if you’re depressed or see your bad hair day pictures. I aways (well, almost always) put a “happy face” on when I post on FB or any other social media. I might rant about something that makes me angry, but for the most part I try to be “happy.” I do that in part because I know no one really wants to know what I look like or how I feel when I’m in a bad mood. But I also keep those moods to myself because I’m very private. But it’s the expectation that I will always be in a good mood, in good spirits that wears me down when I’m communicating through social media. When it starts getting to me, I just avoid social media for awhile.
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Marie, first of all I like your glasses! Secondly, I remember you were pumpkin pie with no whipped cream. So there it is…. 🙂
Thank you for telling me that such a large percentage of your “friends” on FB is your family. I always assume everyone is so much more “popular” than I am. (I use mine for business pretty much exclusively) You and Luanne are operating from a different perspective than I am!
I get it, though. And I like to put my best foot forward. Pictures of my daughter and me are always flattering of me (ha ha) She can afford a couple of unflattering ones! And I love to see my brand new great ? nephew’s baby pictures. So there it is. Another way to look at it!
Thanks as always for such a great comment! And thought through!
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Hollis, it sad to see how many people specially youngsters living a Fakbook life now a day… What is going out there? I hope they go a get a life as facelift never will change whats underneath.. Sad… what people did before it turned on our doorsteps.. happily there were no mobile phones and many other gadget.. we still managed. Good week my friend 🙂
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Thanks for your comment, Doran. Yes it is true that the young kids today easily play around with electronics , so easily…… where were we when these things were not around? We climbed trees and talked to other kids. Right? I like your comment about Facebook being like a facelift. Funny! Hope this week is good for you and you do a few wonderful paintings!
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So here I am missing so many of your great posts Hollis. I am so with you on this. I resisted FB for a long time but relented a couple of years ago to keep in touch with my closest American friends and some family and friends here but I rarely post. I opened a FB Page linked to my blog earlier in the year and post the odd funny and post but again, at a minimal. I don’t want to bombard people! You are absolutely right about people presenting their best faces and it does create a totally false impression. I think too a lot of people forget that it is a public domain…some of that stuff can come back and bite. Looking forward to read more now that I’ve signed up properly 🙂
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Oh, Sherri, I have to catch up on your stuff too! I got overwhelmed with my last post, trying to insert that video!!! 🙂 I need to spend today, looking over my favorite people’s posts, as I really find them interesting.
I hope (and will soon find out) your flash work is going well. Those bits are very powerful. And that your spirits are up a little more. We are in a rough field, we artists! (You are right…..I forgot, as you said, I am in a public domain here….ooops)
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These things do take a long time Hollis, boy do I know that feeling! So no worries, but I do love it when you visit. I just feel so bad about not coming over to you…so glad I got it sorted now 🙂 Ahh, thank you so much. It means such a lot to know that you enjoy the flash story…well, I hope you will when you read the latest, ha!…and things are a little better, yes, other than a complication I’ve had with a tooth extraction last week but I won’t bore you with all of that nonsense. Never a dull minute as they say…who are ‘they’ anyway? It is a rough field absolutely…but so good to have this wonderful community isn’t it? Have a lovely day Hollis and so glad to be in proper touch now 🙂
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Oh dear, I am so bad at taking selfies. Thankfully therefore I have never been able to join FB on that level.
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No, Denise, you are just not that superficial!
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this is so true hollis.. and there’s really more things in life than keep updating or “stalking” others on facebook.. thanks for sharing your thought.. 😉
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Hi Angela! Thanks for your comment! Yes, there is more to life than focusing so much attention on Facebook. I check in every once in a while, largely because of the networking my business requires I do, but I stay away for the most part!
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You should join tsu. It’s better than Facebook. In tsu you won’t envy other people’s happy life… in tsu you will envy how much more money they’re making on tsu!
Seriously, join me on tsu: https://www.tsu.co/gabrielnavar and share the link if you enjoy tsu. It’s a new social media that is similar to facebook but we get paid to use it (pennies but it’s something)
Gabriel
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Thanks Gabe!!!! I will try it!
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